What can you essentially do in order to improve the chances of success of marriage cousenling to make it worth time as well as money that you put into it? In other words, what exactly makes the marriage counseling works?
Of course, there is a requirement of a skilled marriage counsellor, but aside from this, there are different things that you should do to make marriage counseling work.
1. Make goals for yourself
You wish your partner to change else you wouldn’t be needing therapy, but it is important to work on yourself while the partner is also present is the best and effective way to have a great and positive impact on your marriage. Just focusing merely and exclusively on what you partner exactly require to change isn’t going to work. Ultimately, you won’t get what you really want. And you need to recall your earlier expectations from the start of your relationship which will help in visualizing what exactly you want, the ideal picture of your entire relationship. How do you wish to have your partner behaving in the perfect world? What are the essential characteristics? Look at the present and real-life situations and what you are your actual behaviours and attitudes?
What hinders you from becoming a good person? What are your exact weak points? When you are too stressed, do you to try to nag, control or whine? Do you withdraw or avoid? The answer to all of these questions will make up for your different goals in therapy. Don’t worry. A great marriage counsellor will make sure that both of you are working towards the relationship, not just you.
2. Express yourself
This essential tip can save a lot of time of therapy, try to get the different feelings which are behind the feelings. Often we feel on a particular level in a marriage is the anger, resentment, annoyance, and judgement.
Try to get deeper and get in touch with those issues which triggered those feelings and thoughts. Do you have an open heart and then easily get disappointed? Do you feel hopeless, embarrassed and helpless? Are you worried that you are being controlled?
Any type of resistance that you feel toward the cooperation can essentially be an indication that you are actually trying to avoid certain feelings and thoughts. Maybe there is some resentment and judgement you are never able to admit to yourself or can even express openly.
Once you get enough courage to let your inner feelings expressed that make you more vulnerable by showing what is exactly beneath, in front of your partner, then you will be creating empathy and compassion in the partner. Your marriage counselor will be able to help in making sure that the session is exactly the right and safe space to do this.
3. Give time to mend things
Marriage is essentially a time-intensive process. The higher the level of conflict, there is more requirement to come to therapy. Couples therapy is not a quick fix. However, what exactly happens in these sessions is just as important. Both of you need to make some time in order to spend with each other without any distraction and also create a reliable space in the life for each other which both you as well as your partner doesn’t have to ask for. But the quality is more important than the quantity.
4. Offering your partner the olive branch
We often tend to jump to different conclusions especially when it comes to people that we know very well. However, there is a certain great chance that you make assumptions about the motives of your partner which aren’t exactly true. Be honest with these assumptions and be willing to put them out for a reality check. Remain curious about what the feelings and thoughts of your partner are, pick their brain, and listen to them.
5. Become independent
Marriage isn’t mean to fulfil all of your requirements. Even in the best of the best relationships, there will often be times when you get bored, lonely, feel ashamed or have the blues. Maybe you can catch your partner is a good moment, and they will be quite able to assure you, but sometimes it may not be the case. Rather than being merely a half person who is actually completed by the partner, strive to find yourself, and become your own person. This means learning some things which you can do all by yourself, which is outside your relationship.
There are different marriage counseling techniques which you can explore. Make sure that you put in your best efforts and allow your partner to get adjusted to different situations.